Rules For Dogs Who Have The Run of The House

1....Doors: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. One door is opened it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand half way in and our and think about several thins. This is particularly important during cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swing doors are to be avoided at all costs. 2....Chairs and rugs: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an oriental rug. If there is no oriental rag, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot. 3....Bathrooms: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything - just sit and stare. 4....Hampering: If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping," otherwise known as "hampering." Following are the rule for "hampering." a) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted. b) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you lie across the book itself. c) For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to be obscure as much of the work or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you: ignore it. d) For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income taxes or Christmas card (annual activity) keep in mind the main - to hamper!! First sit one the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time. e) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. They love to jump. 5....Walking: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially on stairs, when they have something will that will help their coordination skills. 6....Bedtime: Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around.